An old man and his grandson set out to go to market. The grandfather placed the boy on his donkey and proceeded to lead it. As they passed through a village they could hear the villagers commenting that it seemed wrong for a young boy to ride the donkey whilst his grandfather walked. Hearing this the old man told his grandson to lead the donkey whilst he rode.

They came to another village and heard the villagers say, " it's a shame that such a young boy has to walk whilst his grandfather rides." They reached the market where they sold the farm produce that they had brought and were about to return home.But then the grandfather thought of the criticism, which they had encountered on the way. He decided that this tine they would both ride the donkey.

As they passed through a third village they heard the villagers complain about how cruel it was to overload the donkey in this fashion. The man and boy then both dismounted the donkey and proceeded to carry it.

They soon came to a river and slipped on the wet stones as they walked close to it. All three fell into the river and got a good soaking. The moral of the story is that it's impossible to avoid criticism. Whatever we do some people will criticise us for doing it. If we do nothing we are likely to be criticised for being inactive.

So how should we handle criticism? First lets look at the tone of the criticism we are hearing. Is the criticism constructive or dectructive? A teacher or lecturer might give constructive criticism to a student. The aim of this criticism is to highlight errors in the student's work and show how these can be corrected. In other words there is a constructive and positive reason for giving the criticism.

In the case of destructive criticism no pointers are given for improving performance. For example an employer might complain that his workers are slow and inefficient without modifying the work routines they should follow to improve matters.

Next lets look at who is doing the criticising. Does the person have sufficient knowledge to make a valid criticism? Football fans may shout criticims at their team. Due to their lack of skill and knowledge these are unlikely to be valid. Criticisms coming from the team's coach are likely to be valid due to his experience.

Lastly is there a hidden agenda? One of my clients was much criticised by her family for pursuing her education. Other members of her family had left school at an early age starting work with no qualifications. Perhaps they felt uncomfortable with her because of her superior knowledge. If so,to put it bluntly this was their problem not hers. In some families she would have been seen as a shining example of what could be achieved by setting a goal and working towards it.

I have noticed that people tend to react in one of two ways to criticism. They either accept every criticism they hear leaving them stressed and miserable. Or even worse they attempt to modify their behaviour in the light of each criticism. As we can see from the above story we can't please all of the people all of the time. When we attempt to do this the one person we will definitely not please is ourselves.

Or they reject all criticism ignoring that fact some criticism can useful leading us to improved performance and greater success. The trick is to know which criticisms should lead us to modifying our behaviour.Asking and answering the three questions posed above is a good starting point for deciding if criticism is positive and useful.Or if it simply tells you something about the person doing the criticising,

Want to achieve more with less effort? Claim your free report "The Willpower Myth" by emailing eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk. Eileen is a psychologist/ therapist. She is passionate about helping people just like you achieve their goals. Eileen also has a website http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk this site is concerned purely with relationships.